its noisy in Bruggers Bagels today:( stupid game day. yes thats right, stupid game day, i said it, let the one with more work then i have cast the first stone.
So today, the cute old man and i have been joined by a set of couples that keep debating economics...their conversation is mildly interesting, if nothing else i think the one guy is strait up republican (the type of republican that thinks he knows everything and calls liberals commies.) so that is kind of entertaining, if he only knew that a uber libreral librarian was eves dropping and giggling at his expense he pry would not enjoy it near as much as i am. A pair of asian women have taken post bewteen the old mans table and mine. thier table is the noisy one, but i am amazed at home fast their language requires them to talk. I talk fast in english, but not even i could keep pace with them, i dont think. They were very nice tho, (helped me with the creamer container when i couldnt get it open) so i cant get too annoyed at thier noisiness, they both also smiled at me which sometimes is all i need to make my day better (a smile from a stranger) so that is the situation at bruggers :)
I will be completing the tutorial for an IRB today and complete my reading for my Organization Management. I hope to finish up a presentation for org man as well but that might just be hopeful optimism. I am presenting on librarian fear. there was a situations a few years ago at john hopkins where a women died due to shoddy research. This is an article that i would like to carry around for when people ask me why i had to go to grad school for library science. I am trained to do research....normal people miss stuff, librarians miss stuff too, but most have an affection for print, we arnt daunted by doing a paper search. apparently the researcher and the ethics board did not feel the need to check print sources, and did not see the need to contact a librarian. not everything is digitized....i repeat not everything is digitized. not even close, pub-med only goes to 1966 and that is unusual for most on-line content to go back that far. Libaraians know this, use them. yep that is my tangent for the day. even if you are an advanced degree holding individual, unless you have done two years of research theory, go to a librarian. there is a chance we wont find anything other then what you have found, but then there is a chance we will find much more and that it will actually be useful and hey may even save a life if you are testing chemicals or trying a new type of therapy.... that researcher really kills me.

ahhh well, i better continue on my on-line tutorials for my IRB. I will write about my leigh hunt questionaire soon :)

ps yay, i am hoping to see steph this weekend:) also the SLIS halloween party was a pretty good time :) any party that has that much food is great in my book

what i want

thought to ponder.....
I have always thought i was a mature person. but i attract immature people. and i am not attracted to mature men. so that is starting to make me think that i am not mature.

I dream of the day that i can do what ever i want. School has officially broken my spirit i think. I dont want grand things anymore. I dont really care if i go to england, india, or greece. I dont really care if i have a job i love. i dont really care if i ever have a meaningful relationship. All i want is to be able to come home at the end of the day and not have to continue working. I want to read twilight and other smut that has nothing to do with improving my mind. i want to read pride and prejudice because it my favorite book. i want to actually watch a movie when i put one in, instead of reading articles or designing interfaces, or learning code, or researching during a movie like i have been. I want to crochet. I want to be able to afford the yarn that i need to crochet. I want to go to sleep at night and not lay awake and worry about my life. or work until i am exhausted so that i dont think at all but pass out in a comma like stupor. I want to be able to call my mom and my sister and not feel guilty about blowing two hours talking on the phone. i want to call my mom and listen to what she says instead of skimming my articles for class during the phone call. I dont want to learn anymore. I dont want to live here anymore. it rains too much. which affects my mood more then what i would like. I dont want the things i wanted before. forget excellence, forget professionalism, i want mediocre, and simple. I want to grow up. Im 24 years old and i have never had a real job. at this point i dont care what it is as long as when i leave at 5, i dont have to think about it until 8 the next morning....

this is what i want....its not much, but it is what i want.

reports of me being alive and well have been seriously exaggerated

the soap opera of my life

aww yes, the time has come. I do believe i have reached that point. The point where i do some house cleaning on my life. so as many may not know, i was pretty much dating my ex again. most do not know because to be quite honest i would blantantly lie to people if they asked. but the truth is i was....now i am not. after a tear filled night of "are you fucking kidding me with this shit agian?" I think i have reached the conclusion that ive had enough. it is time to cut him out. which sucks because he was a very good friend to me. but he created more havoc then he solved so now it time to oust him. what happened you may ask? those of you that know me personally have been waiting in hopeful anticipation for me to reach the point where i could safely say, "no." to him. it has taken over a year since our break up (during which when he started crying i told him to suck it up...it wasnt a surprise). What happened, well that can be summed up in a word really. ABBY. oh yes, his ex gf once again decided that she should enter his life again...great. once again he was faced with the question of abby or me....once again i got a blow off because of something she did...yep not again please...no, no, no not again. Im out. I told him he either needs to cut her out of his life, or i will cut him out. i wont keep someone in my life that causes me that much pain and apparently as long as she is in his life then he is going to fuck around with mine. so there has been no word yet as to what his decision is...i quite frankly dont really give a shit. I cant actually make myself care right now. oh im sure i will shortly, im sure i will realize that it really is the end and get really upset. but right now, im releived...one way or the other, its done. it will get better either way. I reached that point, you know the point where someone disappoints you sooo much that it changes how you view them. It changes how you feel about them. It takes you from the point of "i cant imagine my life with out them" to "i may set you on fire just to see how much enjoyment i get out of your suffering".

I dont hate him, far from it. but in the end i dont think it really matters.

The cutest old man ever

I am in a coffee shop...well acutally to be specific i am in a Bruegger's bagel shop but thats niether here nor there. I have had a productive morning :) yay. anyways, the point of my post.....I have been sitting across the room from quite possibly the cutest old man i have seen in quite a while. He is sitting, with his brugger's coffee cup and bagel. and has been studiously engrossed in his laptop all morning. His table is littered with books and folders, and quite possibly the sweetest pencil case that i have seen. He makes me incredibly happy. I have no idea what he is working on...he could be simply answering his grand kids emails for all i know but i get the distinct impression that he is someone who matters. (oh my gosh, he is now mouthing words to himself, so adorable) He has lived, he has learned, and he is still learning, still living, still being important, still doing what i presume he loves (although he is more then likely at least early 70s, either that or he did not age well ). I think so many people give up what they love when they age, they stop living thier life and let thier life pass. He makes me hope, he makes me productive because like him, i want to be important, i want to do something i love. I want to be good at what i do, and the only way to do that is to learn and aspire to be better. if 50 years from now i am still getting up, packing up my laptop, and traveling to the local coffee shop for a little creative time to read, write, ect. my life will be good. i will be happy.

Older people have been amazing me right and left lately. On thursday, i met the cutest 90 year old women i have ever met. She was a librarian of course ;) it is a must to be awesome in general. but she wore these old style hats (like ladies did in the 20s, with the built in vails or wide brims). she came into IWA because she is writing a book....at 90! She doesnt even have full use of her hands anymore, she had to capture her notes using a digital recorder (which she didnt entirely trust to work) She came in and spent hours talking about one of her friends, who we have the personal papers. I couldnt help but think good, lord, i hope i am traveling around, hanging out at college libraries, doing research and talking about my best friends at 90....shit i hope i can remember who my best friends are at 90 (lets face it this in itself with be a feat with my family history of loosing your mind at 70)...

so yes...its been a good week for old people. :)

fashion....

so my roommate, who is a bald law student who wears batman shirts, told me that i need to re-evaluate my wardrobe. only not that nicely. He told me that he wants to nominate me for what not to wear , and then proceeded to ridicule the shirt i wore today. He has not realized he touched a nerve. Normally i would say fuck it, if i was trying to impress you, i would walk around naked a whole lot more then what i do now. but the other part of me is saying awwww, sad times. i knew i looked like crap and that i am the ugly kid that you buy stuff for because you feel sorry for him/her because you know they have no friends and are just seriously unfortunate looking. This is why i pretended not to exist in hs. if no one pays attention to you, no one mocks or ridicules you. it is a useful meathod of surviving in a small town. and it actually has prepared me very well for my chosen career. (lets face it most librarians are not reknown for thier extroverted charismic personalities) they are reknown for being the invisible helpers that make information useful and helping you locate it and teaching you how to locate it. once you look deeper you realize that they are also very inovative and are actually pretty charismatic in thier own right, its just burried a bit deaper then a normal person. anyways...i am out of time on my lunch break. i really am just writing this because im pissed and i have no outlet becuase if i get upset about it, nic will just laugh at me, and if i try to change it, i will have to stop eating because my food budget is the same as my clothes budget....which expains alot.

also to make matters worse...i have a date tonight and lord knows the self-esteeme is very high when your critizied before you even have your coffee (ehh, thats right before coffee, ridiculous) so it should be a fun and very self conscious time tonight (especially when you add in the fact that i dont think i have actually ever been on a first date...im usually in a relationship by the time i actually go out on a date with a person.....meh)

Tea, candles, and newsletters

Ive spent the last two hours with tea, a candle, and my laptop. I have been catching up on all of my library newsletters. Now non-library people many not completely comprehend the amount of newletters i am supposed to read in a week. its a little ridiculous. well its a little ridiculous how much i am supposed to read in a week anyhow. its just not humanly possible people (and by people i mean professors). anyways, the newsletters. Tonight has been a vain attempt to figure out what i am going to do my poster presentation on. now a poster presentation is my culminating event that i have to do inorder to graduate. it is a pass or fail type of thing and while it is actually supposed to be much easier then a thesis (and much more useful for library types, since honestly we dont need to prove we can research, we are dedicating our life to it after all) it is however a little difficult considering my program has what i can only describe as crap for research components to the classes. i have no project, i have some papers and research i could use but they are not interesting and are not useful to me in my chosen career path. So i am reading news letter in hopes that some event or discussion will strike me as increadibly interesting and i can write a paper or an outline or something so that i can turn it into my poster presentaion in a few months.....not having any luck fyi, hence i am now on my blog. why am i sharing this with you, well because i was sitting reading and couldnt help but thing that good lord there has to be a better way to do this...why oh why did i not go to a different program? that is the question people, i have no answer and just frustration about it but that is why i am sharing, because the frustration will eat me alive if i do not share it with someone and since really only my friend lita reads this, i figured this would be just as useful as texting her. adios, i must continue on my perpetual quest of something useful and interesting in the library science field.

Weekend Update

Hello all, i did something mildly silly this weekend and ill thoughtout. I went out with my roommates and a bunch of law students. i know i know, i was anti football festivities on my last blog post but it had been a while since i had gotten drunk so it was about time that i did. Evening started off fine. there was a chick fight in the bar when i got there, over standing????wtf, and i drank some beer. things began to go down hill when my roomies decided we should go to a house party. drunky mcdrunkerton i am, i step in mud and loose my shoe....sadly didnt notice right away. i turned back and got it but i ruined my sock :( and now my favorite shoes are covered in mud :(. we get to the house party, some nice guy loans me a pair of socks, life is better. i decide to play tippy cup :( for once i didnt suck but needless to say i got way too drunk. I threw up a couple of times which is always embarrassing when its in someones house that you dont know.....i hate being that girl. but i was that girl :( alright after that i was ready to go, gathered my roommates and started walking home.......long walk home i believe we walked over a mile easily...and we got all confused around the post office so i think we actually walked around the building once or twice. im really not sure. i also got into a yelling match with one of my roommate.....im pretty sure it was about my ex boyfriend....i dont remember the details tho, i just remember being told to calm down more then once. finally made it home and passed out. actually my roommate ordered me to bed because i think i was still fighting with him. the next day was not good, there is sooo much homework to be done. i may be mia for the next couple of days. I have to read more digital barbarism and finish learnign xml....and i have to figure out how to find the census data for towns in iowa for 1900. any ideas? Simple searching is not getting me any results.
I made potatoe soup on sunday....i know huge nerd, especially considering i only did it because i just got done reading julia/julie projects blog, (for class) and she talks about potatoe soup. ive got much more to add, but i really need to run, ive got 120 pages to read before i sleep tonight :( -laters

Ooohhhh dear

I just dont get the mania over college football. I try, but i just dont care. It is our homecoming this weekend and all of the undergraduates, alumni, and grad students are out in full force. The game isnt until tonight and people have been drunkenly stumbling past my house since 11 oclock. I didnt really understand it in undergraduate school either to be honest although i did partake in some of the activities. Drank my wieght and stumbled home with random strangers in tow. Although other times i sat on porches drinking a beer and heckling the drunken sorority and frat. sadly this year (absent isabel, lita, and danielle) i am not going to sit on a porch and heckle people, although i was sitting in my living room earlier marvaling at the scenes of the apparell. I did get groceries, read digital barbarism, and will be learning XML....fun fun. I will talk about digital barbarism more because quite frankly it is probably the most ridiculous book ive read in quite some time. Its about copyright and the author hates creative commons, blogs, wikis, and open access. He is pretty blunt and its kind of awesome, but i get supper pissed about some of the stuff he says because i am a librarian after all and access for all is part of our credo.
Heres an example, " How do you attract attention to your "blog"? ( I put the word in quotation marks not in an attempt to deligitimatize it -- it is perfectly legitimate-- but to quarantine it because it is so ugly that other words should be protected from it." funny but ridiculous.
Since i am not partaking in the tailgating and general game festivities, i think i am going to make potato soup and watch the proposal......yeah, i bring a whole new level of awesomeness to life. Anyways carry on....



Coelum ipsum petimus stullita (we attempt to gain Heaven by our folly)

check it out

todays big thing....i watch these almost everyday :)

http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2009/10/08

Hello World

SO i am taking my friend Lita's lead and starting a bog. I have no idea how loyal i will be. i tend to start things and never finish them (my diary is laying untouched for two months now). but this is an effort to stay in touch with those that i love, to let random people know more about my life then what i necessarily want, and to relay useful and useless library information i come across while i finish my last year of school.